Blackout Central: population: Me

So in honor of this past holiday weekend, during which I lost my memory for a few hours due to excessive alcohol intake, I am going to grace you guys with a story about the first time ever in my life that i a friend (ahem) blacked out… So, here we go:
Once upon a time, there was a girl who had just started at a university- she lived in a dorm with many fun and adventurous people and one night, they went to a party. Now, college students are broke by default so regularly this girl and her friends drank disgusting ass liquor (not really important to the story, just wanted you guys to know that the struggle was real) On this particular night, this girl and her three friends didn’t bring any alcohol to said party and as it turns out, there wasn’t much there to begin with…which was a problem. Now, can’t really tell you the details (since this is a story about a friend) but people had alcohol that they weren’t really willing to share but eventually they did. There was also a dog there who was very calm and peaceful and there may have been conversation regarding getting the dog drunk, however we didn’t, which was ultimately for the best…

Anywhosers this girl decided she will vocalize how drunk she was throughout the night, on a scale from 1 to 10, 1 being sober, 10 being drunk. She took a couple of shots… “2/10″… Couple more shots… “4/10″… Couple more shots… Started dancing…someone was yelling at someone else… Played with the doggy… Took a few more shots (as I said earlier there wasn’t a lot of liquor so I’m not sure where these shots were coming from)… “6/10” and then

BAM! She woke up in her bed at like noon the next day!
This is probably a good time to tell you guys that this friend… It was me!!! (Dramatic music playing) I know, none of you were expecting that but it’s true…

So anyways I get up, I’m all like what the hell is going on, my roommate goes ‘oh good you’re alive’ my friend who lived next door at the time comes in and goes ‘oh good you’re alive’ and I’m like ‘what the fuck are you guys talking about when was I not alive?’
So, they start recapping the night:

“You were dancing at one point, then we looked over and you were napping on the couch”

“You were making out with some guy then you stopped and went ‘I’m a fucking 10!'”

“You got sick in the front yard”

“The guys took you home and you wiped throw up on someone’s sleeve”

I don’t remember that part but I do remember insisting that I swipe my card to get the elevator, like that part is very vivid, I was like “I GOT IT, ILL GET THE ELEVATOR!”

Ok so at this point I’m so stupid that this is hilarious to me, the only thing I’m really thinking about at this point is how excited I am that I completed my mission and got to 10 on my scale of drunkness.

So then later on I found out that I was walked back to my room, walked in, went straight to the bathroom, took off my pants (just my pants)and laid down in the bathtub… Still wearing shoes and all… The bathtub was the place to go apparently… and then I just slept in there. My roommate and the two other girls went to some other party, came back and I assume put me in my bed and I woke up, totally not ready to go to work in an hour. But I did, I went to work, I came back home, laughed about being an idiot and went on with my life #NoShameInMyGame

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About tijanajirecek

Please enjoy my rants about my everyday life, they come with a twist of humor, and every once in a while a splash of enlightenment. I find myself utterly hilarious and I hope you will too! View all posts by tijanajirecek

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