I don’t have a sense of smell. Yes I really don’t have a sense of smell. I haven’t had one my entire life. I used to lie when I was a child and pretend I had one because…I don’t know I guess I thought I should be smelling it so I just said I did… Or I was a sociopath in the making, who really knows. Anyways, here is a list of things that I encounter on a regular basis, which I have decided to share with the world. Maybe someone understands… I doubt it tho I haven’t met anyone with my ailment as of yet.
Ok, so! The following are (drumroll) the 15 struggles of only having 4 senses:
- Not knowing when food went bad and constantly having to ask people to smell whatever it is or just wing it and taste it yourself, hoping you won’t regret that decision
- Not knowing when you burned food until it’s too late aka you’re eating it
- Sometimes smelling something but not having any idea if it’s good or bad cause you have nothing to work against
- Thinking you smelled something and asking the people around you (with excitement cause this is a first) just to be told that there is, in fact, nothing that smells like anything
- People always asking you if you smelled something then remembering you can’t smell and going “oh yeah… haha nevermind”
- When you tell people you can’t smell they ask you “you really can’t smell?” (Yes I really can’t smell…if I was going to make up a lie about myself I’d come up with something a little more creative)
- “Like you can’t smell anything?” No I really can’t smell anything, no matter how many times you ask me… Yeah, I guess sometimes I can smell melting chocolate and my pee after I drank a gallon of coffee, but does that really count? Is it really worth mentioning? Then people look at you like you’re weird and eh, just…. I can’t smell anything, ok?
- Then they start asking you if you also can’t taste food and explaining to you that the two are related as if you are a Martian that just landed on this planet and don’t know that fact for yourself… Yes I can taste food
- “Like all food?” Ummm yes I’m assuming all food. Sometimes things taste bland but that could be just things being bland. Have you seen me take a shot? If I couldn’t taste anything I could we downing shots of tequila like it was my goddamn job…But I’m not, every time I take one I want to vomit for the next 2 weeks so yes, I can taste everything.
- “Do you think you taste less than other people?” How the fuck would I know that I’ve only ever tasted anything from my own taste buds, now you’re just being ridiculous and not thinking your questions through.
- A constant battle between telling the truth and just agreeing with someone when they say ‘oh this smells good/bad/weird”
- Deciding that you want to lie and pretend you can smell it and then your friend goes ‘oh she can’t smell’ and repeat the entire conversation from above over again.
- People telling you “you’re lucky” when you can’t smell something that smells really bad… Cause that’s supposed to make up for never smelling anything ever. Would you tell a blind person they’re lucky cause they don’t have to look at something disgusting…(Yeah yeah I know it’s totally not the same thing, not even close really, but just try to understand me here)
- In other news… not knowing if you waited too many days before you finally showered (Yeah this might be disgusting but it’s still a valid problem that I live with)
- Whenever you hear a story about someone who smelled gas in their house and having to come to terms with the fact that you will die from a gas leak that you can’t and never will be able to smell
Yes my friends… #TheStruggleIsReal